Early in his most recent XM Satellite Radio show Bob Dylan made what is perhaps the most radical statement to ever emanate from his mouth. Ever.

Here’s a record that everyone always talks about, when they talk about how dull radio was before rock and roll. Personally, I don’t agree with them. I think Patti Page made beautiful records. A lot of people must agree with me, because in her seven-decade recording career, she charted a staggering one hundred and eleven times. Here’s Patti Page, asking the musical question, “How Much is that Doggie in the Window?”

So, offhandedly, did Bob Dylan toss forty years of conventional music-critic-wisdom into the trash can.

And about time, at that.

Today we’re gonna talk about a highly variable, carnivorous, domesticated mammal. Man’s best friend. And if you’re thinkin’ dog, you’re right, buddy. So, get off the couch, get yourself a bowl of water, and heel.

Great sides were spun by Ronnie Self ( “Ain’t I’m A Dog”) and Rufus Thomas ( “he was also a disc jockey — I like that!”).

Dylan played a Ferlinghetti/Dorough composition called “Dog,” performed by Bob Dorough. One can’t help wondering, hearing this spoken poem over jazz, whether it played any role in Dylan’s own If Dogs Run Free.

Bob gave his best advice to a lovelorn e-mailer:

An easy way to meet people is to go the dog park. Everyone’s friendlier when they have a dog with them. And even if you don’t meet someone, you’ve got man’s best friend, who will love you no matter what. But be careful, “Heartbroken,” because if you have a dog, and the relationship falls apart afterwards, you might find yourself arguing over who gets to keep the dog. Like Jean Shephard and Ray Pillow do in this song, “I’ll Take The Dog.”

Second on a list of radical statements Bob has made in the course of these “Theme Time Radio Hours” might be the following:

Someone else who kept the dog was Richard Nixon. The dog’s name was Checkers and he was given to the Nixon family by a Texan traveling salesman named Lou Carroll. Nixon was the Republican candidate for Vice President in nineteen and fifty-two, and he’d been accused of accepting illegal campaign contributions. He gave a live address to the nation, where he revealed the results of an audit exonerating him. The one contribution he admitted to receiving was Checkers. Listen to this. You won’t believe it.

Audio clip of Richard Milhaus here.

How ’bout that? Richard Nixon, one of the most misunderstood people of the twentieth century, often maligned, but obviously capable of great humanity. He loved that dog, and he loved that his daughter loved that dog, too.

So. Not to get distracted by this, but also dig what Bob had to say relevant to Nixon in a 1984 interview in Rolling Stone:

Q: So you don’t think there’s any difference between, say, a Kennedy and a Nixon? It doesn’t matter at all?

DYLAN: I don’t know. It’s very popular nowadays to think of yourself as a “liberal humanist.” That’s such a bullshit term. It means less than nothing. Who was a better president? Well, you got me. I don’t know what people’s errors are; nobody’s perfect, for sure.

And note the scene in Dylan’s 2003 blockbuster, Masked and Anonymous, when the character he plays (Jack Fate) stays in a hotel room once occupied by Nixon.

Mighty interessin’.

Moving right along, Dylan played what he tells us is the first song Red Foley ever recorded — and isn’t that amazing in itself — the genuine classic, “Old Shep.” It’s a true story. The dog was real, but was in reality a German Shepherd named “Hoover” (hey! - another Republican president). Dylan also told an anecdote about the day Ira Louvin punched Red Foley out — an indication that Ira had gone “out past where the buses run.”

Dylan mentions the film “Old Yeller,” and we hear a clip. He remarks, “I don’t trust a man who doesn’t tear up a little watchin’ ‘Old Yeller’.” Neither do I.

Birds sing. Frogs croak. And dogs bark. Barking is perfectly natural canine behavior. If you have a dog, you’d better get used to it.

Excellent dog-owning advice there from Bob.

Two dogs talkin’. One says to the other: “You’re crazy. You ought to go see a psychiatrist.” The other dog says, “I’d love to, but I’m not allowed on the couch.”

The highly spirited Allen Brothers deliver a salty dog to us.

The guest spot is “boyfriend and girlfriend” Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman. Uh, a pretty dull spot, I must say.

Dylan plays the version of “Hound Dog” that inspired Elvis Presley to do the song — by Freddie Bell and the Bell Boys.

Jean Shephard’s husband Hawkshaw Hawkins regales us with the “Dog House Boogie.”

The English poet William Blake had a dog. I ran into him over at the Surf Shop, and he had this to say:

A dog starved at his master’s gate
Predicts the ruin of the state.

We heard a truly one-of-a-kind record record from The Mighty Sparrow, called “Russian Satellite,” mourning the fate of the Russian dog “Laika” who was sent up by the Soviets in 1957 to test space travel and died a terrible death all alone in outer space. Talk about protest songs!

Here’s an inscription Dylan read to us from the monument of a Newfoundland dog by Lord Byron:

NEAR this spot
Are deposited the Remains
of one
Who possessed Beauty
Without Vanity,
Strength without Insolence,
Courage without Ferocity,
And all the Virtues of Man
Without his Vices.
This Praise, which would be unmeaning flattery
If inscribed over Human Ashes,
Is but a just tribute to the Memory of
“Boatswain,” a Dog

The final song was the Webb Pierce tune, “I’m Walking The Dog.”

See ya ’round the hydrant.

(Cameos here by my dog Billie.)

Playlist:

Patti Page - How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?
Ronnie Self - Ain’t I’m A Dog
Rufus Thomas - Stop Kicking My Dog Around
Bob Dorough - Dog
Jean Shepard (and Ray Pillow) - I’ll Take The Dog
Red Foley - Old Shep
Howard Tate - How Come My Bulldog Won’t Bark
The Everly Brothers - Bird Dog
The Allen Brothers - A New Salty Dog
Jimmy Kimmel & Sarah Silverman bit
Freddie Bell and The Bell Boys - Hound Dog
Hawkshaw Hawkins - Dog House Boogie
Uncle Tupelo - I Wanna Be Your Dog
The Mighty Sparrow - Russian Satellite
Webb Pierce - I’m Walking The Dog

Next week’s theme: FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS

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